What the hell is it about him that can always make ME feel like I’m doing something wrong, that makes ME feel like a horrible person, and makes me worry about everything day and night? Why is he so stubborn and why does he have this power over me?

I was doing awesome not thinking about the boy. I got a new phone, I deleted his number out of it, I didn’t call or text him or even try to think about him. Then out of nowhere the other morning, he HAD to text me and ask how I was doing and just tell me that he was thinking about me. And of course ask if I had hooked up with anyone or had a new boy yet. NO I don’t have a new boy, what the hell, I’m still trying to get the fuck over YOU, the OLD boy. So he obviously cares at least a tiny bit. And then he texted me a few more times over the next two days, just asking random questions or whatever. And he put himself back on my radar.

Eventually, it turned into a fight again. OF COURSE. This boy is impossible and miserable, which I’ve known and I’m only realizing more and more. I’m not even sure how it started, but we ended up talking about how he’s so angry because he feels like everyone is mad at him and that he can’t do anything right and that he can’t win and blah blah blah. The usual story with him. So I said to him, as nicely as I could put the harsh truth, that maybe if EVERYONE is mad at you, then maybe HE is the one that’s doing something wrong. DUH. He’s the one that just dropped me from his life like a piece of trash, he is the one that started dating the girl his best friend was interested in.. he did those things to make people angry, not me. I told him that he pushed people away like that had no feelings and that I’m disgusted with what he did. Because honestly, I really am disgusted. He has treated me like I’m a piece of nothing and continuously telling me that I’M the one with the issues. I don’t fucking have issues. I have feelings and a sense of pride that you hurt, you idiot. Well, he got TOTALLY offended by all of that and blew up at me, as usual, and took it as if I was telling him that everyone hates him and yadda yadda yadda.

So when I sent a text this morning saying that our fight was retarded, he sent one back telling me that I mentally broke him down and he had a horrible night and I made him feel like shit. And stupid me – I felt BAD. This is what is wrong with me. I should be happy that he feels bad. He honestly deserves to feel bad. He’s mad me feel nothing but bad and shitty for the past three weeks, and once and a while over the whole year and a half that we were together, yet I do it to him for ONE night and it’s the fucking end of the world. I just want to smack him, yet I still can’t get past the scary feeling that if he came to my door right now and asked for me back that I would say yes in a second. I need to just get past this, I really do. It just hurts soo bad. To know that he broke up with me because he wanted to be single and free, yet he already has a GIRLFRIEND a week later. I don’t get that. I really don’t. It makes me sick to my stomach and I wish I had a replacement already and maybe this would be easier for me like he is for me.